(on) trying again

thoughts on attempting to write a book

I’ve been trying to write a book. Many of you may or may not know this, but the past few months of mine have been spent researching, outlining, and pitching a prospective series–something I took a lot of pride in.

It was a long, tedious process, one which I certainly was unprepared for. I had never delved into the world of publishing before–nonetheless tried to publish something of my own.

Weeks later, and the process is over. You’re reading this solely because I’ve decided it wasn’t time to pursue the project further. 

It wasn’t a great feeling per se. A waste of time, an effort with no outcomes other than learning about the process. And as beneficial as it can be, it would be a lie to say that it’s always satisfying. 

As the idea not only of success, but of the project itself began to fade away, I kept thinking about this one Marcus Aurelius quote: 

“Some things are rushing into existence, others out of it. Some of what now exists is already gone. Change and flux constantly remake the world, just as the incessant progression of time remakes eternity. We find ourselves in a river. Which of the things around us should we value when none of them can offer a firm foothold?” 

The greatest risk that we run in life is that we get too caught up in certain events, or that we give up too easily. I’ve seen too many people give up on a dream or a career simply because they were embarrassed, they didn’t get recognition, or they didn’t make money immediately.

Artistry, or even career-building in general, is not something that can be rushed. These are lifelong, passionate efforts that some people may never reach a conclusion to. There’s no amount of work that’ll bring the recognition that you desire. There’s no perspective you’ll have that’ll bring in the money you need. The first attempt, the tenth, the hundredth - they're all equally valuable, equally part of the process.

The first attempt at writing a book certainly didn’t go as expected. But as Marlon Craft says, “my reward is that I get to try again.” 

And that’s all I could ask for.